Sibling support; Addressing sibling relationships, jealousy, guilt, and advocacy

Families that include an individual with disabilities are often shaped by strong bonds,

shared experiences, and meaningful opportunities for growth. Siblings frequently

develop empathy, adaptability, and a heightened awareness of others from an early age.

These relationships can be deeply enriching and play an important role in how siblings

understand connection, responsibility, and advocacy across their lifespan. At the same

time research emphasizes that when looking at family experiences related to disability,

siblings should be considered alongside parents and caregivers, as their perspectives

and needs are also significant (Aytekin, 2016). Recognizing siblings as active members

of the family system allows for more balanced and supportive approaches that

strengthen relationships for everyone involved.

Research also shows that siblings of individuals with developmental and behavioral

needs often experience a wide range of emotions and experiences over time. These

experiences are influenced by family stress levels, alterations in day to day

experiences, increased times in hospitals/ therapy, reliance from other to “help” their

siblings, communication, and how included siblings feel in understanding their brother or

sister’s needs. According to Zaidman-Zait et al. (2020), Sibling relationship qualities

were significantly associated with children's adjustment. This highlights the importance

of ensuring that siblings are not only included but are also supported and informed in

the role they play in the family. These efforts can help to develop a positive sibling and

family dynamic.

What Siblings may experience:

(it’s important to note that all these responses can vary, are normal, and can change as

children grow)

 Feel jealous of the time and attention given to their brother or sister

 Experience guilt for feeling frustrated or wishing things were different

 Take on an advocacy or helper role earlier than peers

 Feel proud, protective, and deeply connected

 Struggle to express their own needs so they don’t “add stress”

It is also beneficial to frame these feelings and experiences not as the sibling’s lack of

care or understanding to the individual but simply small parts of their own journey.

What Families Can Do (Practical ways to support siblings):

 Schedule one-on-one time with siblings, even if brief and consistent

 Honor functional communication

 Offer honest, age-appropriate explanations about disabilities and behaviors

 Validate feelings without correcting them (“That makes sense” goes a long way)

 Avoid assigning siblings the role of “mini parent”

 Inviting siblings into advocacy as a choice, not as an expectation

 creating a community for siblings to connect with each other

 seek out resources such as sibling programs to help navigate the sibling’s

experiences.

 In addition to the above sibling individual support families can also encourage

shared activities that allow siblings to connect without pressure to “help” or

supervise.

This can be a difficult task on already stressed family system so taking small steps to

the overall goal can be beneficial for long term habits. For example, if the family

chooses to schedule one-on-one times with the sibling. A meaningful start can be brief

and consistent check in afterwork or after school. For those 5 mins the conversation can

be primarily focused on the sibling. If that is too much because the weekdays are busy

the family can choose the weekend to pick 5 min to just sit by the sibling and just

coexist for a few minutes.

Overall supporting siblings within families that include an individual with disabilities is

not about eliminating challenges, deciding on who is more deserving, or assigning

responsibility, but about recognizing siblings as individuals with their own experiences,

strengths, and needs. When families intentionally acknowledge sibling perspectives, it

creates a space for open communication and provides opportunities for connection.

Sibling relationships are more likely to develop in healthy and meaningful ways when

individual choice is heard. These efforts not only strengthen sibling relationships but

also contribute to a more connected and resilient family system, where every member

feels seen, valued, and supported across the lifespan.

References

Aytekin, C. (2016). Siblings of disabled children: a general overview in terms of

academic studies. International Journal of Innovation and Applied Studies, 16(3), 522.

Nguyen, L., Bootsma, J., Ketelaar, M., Di Rezze, B., Jack, S. M., & Gorter, J. W. (2023).

Programs to prepare siblings for future roles to support their brother or sister with a

neurodevelopmental disability: a scoping review. Current developmental disorders

reports, 10(1), 47-79.

Zaidman-Zait, A., Yechezkiely, M., & Regev, D. (2020). The quality of the relationship

between typically developing children and their siblings with and without intellectual

disability: Insights from children's drawings. Research in Developmental Disabilities, 96, 103537.

Debbie Castoreno, Miren Behavior, Behavior Specialist